Furrry, fuzzy baby penguin chick holding a bouquet of pink roses.

I’m Fine Without a Valentine

If you ask my closest friends, they will tell you I am a romantic. Of course, I will deny it at first, even though deep down I know it’s true.

I love love. I love doing nice things for those I love. I love giving unique gifts I know will be loved and appreciated by the recipient.

But I don’t love Valentine’s Day.

It’s not because I have spent the vast majority of Valentine’s Days without a romantic love. Granted, this will be the 24th Valentine’s Day since I was 18 years old and I have only had a romantic love for 4 of those days.

Yes, I love having a romantic partner when that is a part of my life. It is thrilling to have someone who honors your vulnerability and likes you anyway; someone who shares intimate secrets and sends your dopamine levels soaring with compliments and kisses.

However, my self-worth has never been tied to having a romantic relationship with a man. I have always been comfortable on my own, not really able to understand those people who felt like they needed someone to “complete them,” or make them “whole.”

Some of my friends tell me it’s just because I haven’t met my “soul mate,” the person I am “supposed to be with.” They tell me to just hang on and when the time is right, “Mr. Right will come along.” What if I’m alright without a Mr. Right?

My dislike of Valentine’s Day is not because I have not been exposed to extended romantic relationships. My parents celebrated their 63rd anniversary last July, six months prior to my father’s death in December. My grandparents, aunts and uncles, sisters and brothers-in-law, many friends – all examples of strong marriages and relationships I am blessed to witness.

I certainly don’t dislike Valentine’s Day because love is absent from my life. I am fortunate to have a wide circle of support, love and affection from a variety of friends and family. These connections are central to my feeling of well-being and happiness. They sustain me when times are challenging and help me celebrate the good.

Maybe my dislike of this day meant for lovers stems from the fact that even if I found romantic love and wanted to get married, marriage is not a realistic option for me due to my disability and my need for long term care. Like most people who receive home care for an extended length of time, I rely on Medicaid to pay for my Personal Assistants. Thanks to the New York Medicaid Buy-In Program for Working People with Disabilities (MBIWPD), I am allowed to work and earn more income than allowed in traditional Medicaid and still qualify for Medicaid coverage.

Medicaid eligibility can be complex, and is based on a number of variables such as income and resources. It also varies from state to state. As a single person without a disability or dependents, using 2015 income and resource levels found on the New York State Department of Health website, I would qualify for Medicaid as long as my income is less than $1,343 per month or $16,105 annually. As a person with a disability, I would qualify if my income was less than $825 per month, or $9,900 annually. However, as a single person receiving services through the MBIWPD in my state, I can earn up to approximately $60,000 annually (the exact amount changes each year) and remain eligible for Medicaid as long as I meet the asset limitations. I qualify if I am employed full or part time. I am eligible for insurance through my employer, so my traditional preventive healthcare is covered by that policy. Insurance does not pay for long term care though. Medicaid pays for the personal care I need to remain an active member in my community.

But if I marry? A married couple can only have a joint income of approximately $81,000 annually to qualify for services.

I am authorized to receive 70 hours of home care each week. If I were to pay out of pocket for this care, it would cost me approximately $20/hour. That is $1,400 each week, or $72,800 a year. Just for personal care. That is more than my current annual salary, since I cannot earn more than $60,000 and still qualify for home care.

I have always said I will never put myself in a situation where my safety and security are dependent on another person. Part of it is my own independent stubborn streak, and part of it comes from conditioning from my parents who told me repeatedly as I was growing up how important it is that I be able to take care of myself. If I were to marry, I would need to find another job with a higher salary to cover the cost of my care, never mind my living expenses.

Sure, I could find a job that pays more than $100,00/year. Those jobs exist. I have the degrees and skills to be successful at those jobs. But as much as I complain about playing the Medicaid game (proving my disability every six months, tolerating the home visits from nurses and social workers to assess my needs), I play it because I need to. I am dependent on these services to live independently in my community where I am loved and valued, and can give love to those who are important to me.

That’s the love that matters most to me.

However, if anyone has any leads on “Mr. Right,” I’m not opposed to having some fun… 😉

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Redefining Disability Challenge – Question 41

Each Wednesday, I post my response to a question from the Redefining Disability Challenge. This is my response to the forty-first question in the Challenge. As usual, I am not looking ahead to future questions, so I may inadvertently address some topics which will come up later in the Challenge. Here is this week’s question:

Free post day! Write about anything on your mind today. Any topic that the series doesn’t cover, anything going on in your life related to disability, something you’re excited for, something you’re frustrated about.

I hate winter weather. I despise being cold. It causes physical pain when my feet get cold, and they are almost always cold from November to May each year. I dislike having to drive in snow with other drivers, most of whom never seem to remember to be cautious. I can’t move my arms if I have to wear bulky sweaters and jackets. Every movement requires more energy and takes more time.

My friends and family know I hate winter. I do my best not to complain. However, it is a safe bet I will put on a bright face in public yet privately curse the cold in my head for months on end. I spend far too much time and energy being miserable about something I cannot control – a behavior I routinely advise others to avoid.

Why do I stay in upstate New York where I am miserable due to weather for six months of the year? Wouldn’t it just make sense to move to a warmer climate?

I stay in New York for many reasons. My elderly parents live in New York, and I like being able to get to them within a couple of hours if needed. Most of my other family members live in New York, and they are part of the support network I rely on to live independently. But the main reason I continue to live in New York is because my disability requires me to use personal assistance to be independent, and New York has one of the best consumer directed personal assistance (CDPA) programs in the United States.

As I have mentioned in prior posts (you can find three of them here, here and here), I rely on the Personal Assistants I employ through CDPA to perform daily tasks most nondisabled people don’t think about. Each day, these dedicated women get me in and out of bed, help me on and off the toilet, assist me with showering and dressing, style my hair, prepare my food and clean my house.

If you required this level of assistance to meet your basic needs, and could not afford to pay for them out of pocket (private health insurance does not pay for long-term home care), you would want to live in a state with good services. I have decided to tolerate single-digit Fahrenheit temperatures and below-zero wind chills because I do not have $50,000 to spend on my personal care each year and I want to have control over how and when I receive my care.

In the United States, most people who require long-term home care rely on Medicaid to pay for care. Some states do not offer self-directed services to Medicaid recipients. Some states have waiting lists for home care, forcing people to remain in institutions. Some states limit the number of hours or care a person can receive. Most states limit the amount of income a person can earn and still remain eligible for CDPA through Medicaid.

New York has a comparatively generous Medicaid Buy-In Program for Working People with Disabilities. As a single person, I can earn almost $60,000/year and still remain eligible for CDPA. There are very few states which permit that level of income while retaining services.

I am not saying New York is the best state in the nation. There are many reasons to want to leave. But when it comes to how I live my life, there are many reasons I stay.

Even if it means another day of freezing cold. Spring is only three months away. I can make it.

Unless I win the Powerball tonight. Then all bets are off because the meteorologist just said it is 6° Fahrenheit this morning and I’m cold.

 

 

Redefining Disability Challenge – Question 6

Each Wednesday, I post my response to a question from the Redefining Disability Challenge. This is my response to the sixth question in the Challenge. I am not looking ahead to future questions, so I may inadvertently address some topics which will come up later. Here is this week’s question:

Are your activities of daily living affected by disability? If you’re comfortable, share a little of your daily routine.

I’ve written before about how my disability impacts my activities of daily living and my need to employ Personal Assistants (PAs). Last October I wrote a guest post for the AbleBodies blog describing how I “manage” living with my disability. The post is one of the most honest and blunt descriptions I have ever written about something many wheelchair users refer to as “pee math.” Please, click this link and read it now if you want to learn more. You can read about my daily routine in this post, and in this post you learn why I call myself the “CEO of Me.”

I don’t want to repeat what I have already written so I will use this week to speak about the financial reality of life as a person with a disability. I am writing from the perspective of someone who lives with a disability in the United States. I cannot presume to speak for others, and I am only presenting my experiences. I am not writing as an employee or agent of my employer, a nonprofit disability related organization. The views and opinions below are mine. The programs I am going to discuss are government programs, thus they have acronyms and abbreviations. I am using these, but I will define each of them.

To help explain my reality, it helps if I talk a bit about long term care (LTC). The United States Department of Health and Human Services has useful basic information about LTC on their website and it is written in plain language. You can find links to your state (if you are in the USA) and you can also find information about other topics such as considerations for LGBT adults and adults with Alzheimer’s.

LTC refers to the services and supports a person requires to meet personal care needs. This includes help with tasks known as Activities of Daily Living (ADLs) such as bathing, toileting and grooming, as well as tasks known as Instrumental Activities of Daily Living (IADLs). These tasks are the skills needed to successfully live independently, such as doing laundry, preparing food, shopping and housework. Since most LTC is related to assistance with ADLs and IADLs, it is not considered “skilled medical care.” Often this help is performed by unpaid family caregivers. According to the US Administration on Aging, unpaid caregivers provide almost eighty percent of LTC in this country. The average unpaid caregiver spends twenty hours per week providing this assistance. Twenty hours – it’s like having an unpaid part time job in addition to all your other work and family responsibilities.

There are several common misconceptions about who pays for LTC in the United States. Medicare DOES NOT pay for extended LTC. Medicare WILL pay for skilled nursing services, or rehabilitative care but generally only for a short period of time. Medicare DOES NOT pay for what is considered “non-skilled” assistance with ADLs or IADLs, which as I said before is the majority of LTC. Private health insurance, like the insurance provided by my employer, DOES NOT pay for extended LTC.

What pays for extended (longer than 120 days) LTC? Medicaid is the public option used by most people with disabilities. There are some public programs through the Department of Veteran’s Affairs or local Offices for the Aging which pay for LTC in certain populations. There are private options such as LTC insurance and annuities. I am not an expert on these and I encourage you to do your research if you feel these may be options for you as the rules for eligibility and cost vary. I know Medicaid as this is the program I have used since 2008 to obtain the services I require.

Medicaid eligibility is based on income. Each state administers Medicaid differently, so you must meet the minimum eligibility requirements in your state to qualify for services. I complain about the winter, snow and cold in New York often enough to cause people to ask me frequently why I don’t just move. The answer is simple. I stay in New York because of the relatively generous Medicaid program which pays for my LTC. I qualify for LTC through a New York State Medicaid program called the Medicaid Buy-In Program for Working People with Disabilities (MBIWPD). This program allows working New Yorkers with disabilities to earn more income than allowed in traditional Medicaid and still qualify for Medicaid coverage. Forty-five states have buy-in programs and the eligibility guidelines and rules vary by state. I will explain how I benefit from MBIWPD after I talk about Medicaid eligibility and how the rules force people with disabilities to live in poverty.

Medicaid eligibility can be complex, and is based on a number of variables such as income and resources. As a single person without a disability or dependents, using 2015 income and resource levels found on the New York State Department of Health website, I would qualify for Medicaid as long as my income is less than $1,343 per month or $16,105 annually. As a person with a disability, I would qualify if my income was less than $825 per month, or $9,900 annually. That is a difference of $518 less per month, or $6,205 less per year, due to disability.

Let me repeat that so it’s clear. To qualify for Medicaid in my state, a person with a disability is allowed to earn up to $825 per month, $518 less per month than a person without a disability.  My rent is more than $825 per month. Let’s not even discuss food, the loan for my accessible vehicle, or any other expenses. I could not live the life I lead now on $825 per month. How would you survive if your income was limited to $825 per month? What changes would you have to make?

There is a reason many disability advocates talk about people with disabilities being forced by “the system” to live a life in poverty. For many, Medicaid is the only option. Medicaid pays for goods and services people with disabilities rely on and is often the only public funding source available to provide these necessary items. Living with a disability is expensive and most people would not be able to afford care without Medicaid. Have you priced wheelchairs? The price listed on the invoice for my power wheelchair, purchased in 2012, was $33,648. And my chair only elevates, it does not tilt or recline. It also doesn’t drive me to work, or protect me in a high speed crash, like a car at half that price would. I am authorized to receive 49 hours of personal care each week. If I were to pay out of pocket for this care, it would cost approximately $20/hour. That is $980 each week, or $50,960 a year. If you were dependent on medical equipment and personal care, would you jeopardize your eligibility for the program which provides these necessities? Or would you continue on just so you have access to required care?

People with disabilities become trapped in poverty because of another reason – the asset limitation. To qualify for Medicaid, a person cannot posses personal liquid assets of more than $2000. In my bank account, at this very minute, I have $789. If my accessible van breaks down tomorrow and requires any repairs, I have no choice but to put the repairs on my credit card and pay it off a little at a time because I have no access to a rainy day or emergency fund. In 2013, 29 percent of adults with disabilities lived in poverty – twice the rate of the general population. It is hard to break out of poverty if one is never permitted to acquire assets.

Earlier, I said I benefit from the New York MBIWPD. As a single person receiving services through this program in my state, I can earn up to approximately $59,000 annually (the exact amount changes each year and is different for married individuals) and remain eligible for Medicaid as long as I meet the asset limitations. I qualify if I am employed full or part time. I am eligible for insurance through my employer, so my traditional preventive healthcare is covered by that policy and Medicaid pays for the personal care I need to remain an active member in my community.

I am grateful to have a program like the MBIWPD but using such a program comes with trade-offs. Every six months, even though I’m not sick, I must appear in person in front of my doctor so she can make sure I’m still disabled and still require personal assistance. I have had a progressive neuromuscular disease since birth, but every six months the government requires my doctor to verify some miracle hasn’t happened which would eliminate my need for care. After my doctor verifies my continued need for home care, a nurse and social worker visit me at home to assess my ability to be self-directing and to determine the number of hours of care I require. I understand my care is paid for with taxpayer money, and there must be a system to ensure the funds are not used inappropriately. Forcing me to go to a doctor, and spend taxpayer money on a doctor visit I don’t need, particularly when my disability is not going to disappear, seems like a waste.

But I play the game because I need the assistance. I grit my teeth and smile at the nurse and social worker when they ask me patronizing questions (or call me inspirational) because they are the gate keepers. They determine how many hours of personal care will be authorized. That’s the reality I live with until the regulations change or until I come into an unexpected and extended windfall of money. I accept this is the way things have to be, and I just do what needs to be done. I am a single woman who was told from an early age, “You’ll have to do well in school so you can grow up, get a good job and be able to take care of yourself Denise, without relying on anyone else to support you.” I followed those directions, went to college, got a Masters degree and have supported myself since 1996. Now, I work in a job which I enjoy, but where I earn significantly less than others with the same educational and professional background so I will qualify for the services I need. Do I like having to play the game? No. I continue to play because it’s the only way I can keep living the life I want to lead.