When I was younger, I thought I would grow up to be a music therapist and structured my high school course work to match my projected career path. I took only the minimum required science courses – earth science, biology and chemistry – and not physics. I stayed away from physics because I could never remember all the formulas and equations. Density, momentum, power, work and energy – my brain hated this math dressed up as science. Even now, the only physics concept I relate to is the law of conservation of energy. This law states energy cannot be created nor destroyed, merely transformed from one form to another.
I relate to the law of conservation of energy because I live my life juggling energy. I talked about this before in this post when I wrote about Christine Miserandino’s spoon theory and how it applies to my life. I have “good energy” days and “bad energy” days. Unfortunately, I cannot predict when either will occur. Sometimes I will have multiple meetings scheduled for work, but I wake up and discover it is a bad energy day. When this happens, I know I must conserve what little energy I have so I can accomplish the most and still have energy to get home, go to the bathroom and get to bed. Sometimes I will have nothing planned, but I wake up and feel full of energy. When this happens, I try to accomplish as much as possible without overdoing it and accidentally causing the next day to be a bad energy day. Since my femur fracture in January the energy required to complete daily tasks has increased, forcing me to juggle enjoyable pursuits such as writing, with required activities, such as employment, with creativity.
Lately, my energy level has been more depleted because I am once again struggling to maintain adequate Personal Assistant (PA) staffing. I’ve written before about the importance of good PA staff and it turned out to be one of my most popular posts. This tells me I am not alone in my struggle. If you haven’t read that post about how my life is different when personal needs are met, please take a moment to go read it now. I’ll wait. Really – go read it.
In physics, objects have potential energy. I remember it as the stored energy of an object in relation to another object. I know, that definition is too simplistic, but remember I didn’t do physics. A coiled spring has potential energy, as does the string of a bow which has been pulled back by an archer. Potential energy is influenced by force. In my case, my body has potential energy and my PA’s impact the level of potential energy each day through the force of their work.
Physicists describe work as the force required to move an object. There is a formula to calculate work but as I’ve already explained, I am bad with formulas. What I do know is work transfers energy from one object to another. This I understand, because when I have adequate PA staffing, their work creates energy in my body. When my PA shows up on time in the morning to help me get out of bed, go to the bathroom, shower and get dressed, I have more energy. When my PA comes as scheduled to help prepare my meals and perform basic housekeeping, I have more energy to pursue those activities which matter to me (employment, writing, crochet, and more) because I have conserved the energy I would have otherwise spent on other tasks. Likewise, when a PA is late for a shift or calls out at the last minute, I am forced to
waste expend energy on locating a replacement so my basic needs are met. And when the PA who is scheduled to assist me at the therapeutic pool with my outpatient physical therapy has car trouble or difficulty with childcare, I am unable to engage in exercise which helps build strength crucial to my ongoing recuperation.
Other outside forces impact my energy level. I have more energy when I am warm than when I am cold. The physicists might try to apply some law to this (thermodynamics?). To me, it’s as simple as cold causes pain and pain makes movement more difficult. I also rely on mechanical and electrical energy frequently – my power wheelchair, my electric bed, the transfer seat base in my van.
My life is a constant struggle for energy. Energy is a precious commodity which must be conserved and managed in order for me to engage in my community. When the force and work required to maintain my energy is not consistent, I go into survival mode. I stop doing the activities which bring me joy so I can preserve the energy required to get me through basic daily tasks. Over time, this drain on my energy creates stress on my mental and physical health.
Suffice it to say – I’m still recruiting new staff. Maybe I need to change the job title to “Energy Conservation Technician” instead of “Personal Assistant” to more accurately reflect the true value of the work.